- -

2011-01-06T23:04:00.001+08:00

We are His people and the sheep of His pasture. Psalm 100:3 | (Success is paradoxical in that it is both destination and journey. - A. R. BERNARD

the beauty of friends

2010-05-15T01:27:00.002+08:00

what joy, que alegria..
amidst all the corporate chase, the formalities whatever..

i come home and i see.. are the people i have met, all in my memories.
the once in a while booster phone calls and skype calls.

how beautiful and how wonderful people around me has been.
just real tired now.. and i refused to sleep..

Eu quis te conhecer mas tenho que aceitar
Caberá ao nosso amor o eterno ou "não dá"
Pode ser cruel a eternidade
Eu ando em frente por sentir vontade

Eu quis te convencer mas chega de insistir
Caber� ao nosso amor o que há de vir
Pode ser a eternidade mas
Caminho em frente pra sentir saudade

Moving on

2010-04-25T00:50:00.002+08:00

I badly need to move on with life.
I think I am happily and willingly drowning myself with work. After all, this is such a boring, empty and lifeless land (perhaps because everyone is having exams at the moment), there really is nothing for me to look forward to in the weekends.

boo hoo...

Moving on from South America

2010-04-13T23:36:00.002+08:00

Amazing, amazing time at Brazil, experiencing earthquake at Santiago, Chile, venturing alone to Buenos Aires, Argentina.

Upon return to KL, carried on with a rather hectic and fruitful travel down to Singapore which landed me with an amazing job with an international firm, voted by Times as world's top 100 company to work for. Found a new accommodation within half a day. Everything, all the happened so suddenly, randomly and coincidentally (or God-Incidently I must say).

Up and running on job for more than a week now. Amazing, amazing training, amazing, amazing team and working environment despite the crazy working hours. Back to my cellgroup. Such a departure from the uncertain and yet differently exciting life I have been living for the past 7 months in a shockingly adaptable environment, which I have also came to fall in love for - the beautiful Latin culture.

What shall I say? I am definitely in the right place at the right time at this point of my life.

Again at the end of the day, things fall into place amazingly. So keep trusting, stay confident, live righteously, do not despair, a turn-around moment can come anytime. Anytime.

Gastromotiva-Artemisia

2010-02-27T03:51:00.002+08:00

ParaGliding in Brazil

2010-02-25T00:01:00.001+08:00

A glimpse into my working life in Brazil

2010-01-23T01:43:00.019+08:00

Today was not one of those typical day at work, rather one of the more exciting ones. I just had this thought of blogging it so I can remember what I did here when I am back in Asia or anywhere else, on full-time employment.

To me, today was rather exciting, at least in the realm of social entrepreurship.

I went to work as usual at 9, David, my boss greeted me, came to my desk and asked if I still remember about the Charles Bronfman Prize the one which we have submitted our application in (its a Jewish award for outstanding Jewish individuals around the world). And then he told me to visit the website and boom! I noticed that the application deadline for the prize was on the 15 of Jan and we sent our package in on the same date! I was like, what?? Usually when something like that happens, it is very well understook that you need to make sure that your package reach the destination, in our case, New York by the 15 of Jan and NOT that you take it to the post office on the 15 itself (but strangely, David said that in Brazil, the latter is usual practice. I still find this very strange). But anyway, I suppose those who works for the Charles Bronfman prize were not aware of this cultural difference either and had sent a courtesy email to David’s referral for the award – John Elkington (a renowned man in the field of sustainability and social entrepreneurship, the author of the book “The Power of Unreasonable People”.) about this.

And so, I started my day firefighting with this matter. So I spent the afternoon trying to call and email thpse in the New York office. And, I address the person on the end wrongly. Instead of Ms, I sent in with Mr. Argh!! But anyways, the whole thing was solved anyway. Serendipidity I would say. If this were not to happen, the people in the New York office may not have paid that much attention on us. Well, everything happens for a reason. :)

Later in the afternoon at 2, I went to Berta´s office with my colleague to learn about her usual HR recruitment practices at Hudsons. It was really good and we learnt so much about recruitment, of creating selecting the right people for our company etc. (This year, my company is hoping to start with a new team of professionals who can work well with each other, who could bring us to greater heights). So on Tuesday, we will conduct a group exercise in 3 rounds for around 20 candidates for the position of Communications Trainee. We have such a brilliant idea of doing it! And of course, I do not think I can disclose it here. :) Ask me about it if you´re really interested to know.

We went back to our office again at around 3pm and started preparing for another meeting which David organized. He had this brilliant idea of connecting the past winners and finalists (including himself) of the Social Entrepreneurship award by the Shwab Foundation in conjuction with Brazil´s national newspaper, Folha de São Paulo. It lasted until 8pm. Ok. I did not enjoyed the chit-chat in a group that much. Well, language barriers. Everyone and everything in Brazil revolves around the Portuguese language. And my comprehension is still so-so. But oh well, just picture being in the middle of all these successful social entrepreneurs! That, is thrilling enough.

We had a short cocktail time in the meeting. I love to network and talk to people so it was really great. These success stories in the realm of social entrepreurship ranges from those in the field of dentistry to environmental sustainability and gastronomy. And I just got an invitation to visit Folha de São Paulo, Brazil´s largest newspaper headquarter! Will definitely pay him a visit before I leave!

Ok. So then the meeting ended. Exhanged namecards, chit-chatted and now, the evening looks pretty gloomy and it will probably rain again, just like any other days. The weather in Sao Paulo had been pretty crazy recently by the way. It´s supposed to be summer but it rains so much! Anyway, so I took a bus, reached home in 20-minutes time (I had the privilege of living really near my office), and then cooked (as usual) and talked a lot (as usual) with Martha, my Colombian housemate. We could talk and joke about almost anything, from the cats (we have 2 cats at home) to teasing her name which is apparently the usual maid´s name in Colombia (Martha). If I were to say one other thing which added so much to my experience here, I would say Martha! I had never really shared a room or lived with anyone else, all my University life. I was a little worried at first, you know what if she is dirty bla bla bla. But it turned out so great!! I really enjoyed her company and I am sure she did too! ;))

Anyway, and so afterwards, I went to vaccum our couch because it was infested with fleas. I know, gross! But we will get rid of it real fast! Phew!

Now, maybe I´ll catch a movie or continue reading "Memoirs of Geisha".

Social Business Management - Thought 1.

2009-11-14T00:08:00.011+08:00

From the experience which I gather from conversation with colleagues and the entrepreneur so far, this is one conclusion which I am making in the management of a small (social) business:

1. Never undermine the importance of taking the right people on board.

It´s way harder to remove old people off the board than to take new people on board with you

Some problems of the business thus far - of mixing up its social/charity vision with the business vision. Getting possibly unfit people on board and by the time you notice it, it´s too late/difficult to get people truly on board.

For example, take one instance when you have hired someone who may not have received much formal education to handle the finances of (social) business and many others to assume various other positions. At the time when you realise that it is time to grow your (stagnanted) business, to make things more efficient and to move much faster, you then realise you simply do not have the team and resources to do so - the resources to train your people would be way too tedious and time-consuming that it nearly is impossible.

The whole team dynamics itself (when new people come on board) may turn very complicated as well, even when the office may only be comprising of 6-8 full time employees.

Fixing a problem is definitely more difficult than avoiding one, especially not when you need to grow your business.

And right after I have published this post - I bumped into this:

Small businesses also need to focus on People Management

Nov Holiday

2009-10-27T02:12:00.005+08:00

Early November

Ihla Grande!
Custo: R$ 250- R$ 300

and
mid-November..

Santos!
Custo: R$ 70- R$ 100

:):):)

Eliane Elias - Running

2009-10-23T23:14:00.004+08:00

my new love!!

I’m not afraid
All is forgiven
Cause after all
What’s done is done
Move on with grace
Slip into space
And when I’m ready
I’ll sing my song


Chorus:
Follow the silence
Far from the sadness
Leave all the madness behind
I’ll keep on moving
I’ll keep on running
Passing through hallways
Of who I’ve become
I’ll keep on driving
Into the darkness
Not scared of loving
Turn my lights on
Cause where I’m from
We carry on
And keep on living
And keep on running
Running towards
What I’ve been running from

I will not hide
Fade to submission
You were so wrong
Cause I am still here
Drive through the night
Into the light
Off the horizon
Away from the fear

Chorus

quero ver voce – ja nao quero ser – ja nao quero ter – so quero saber – so quero sentir –
so quero rever – revelei

Yes I still believe in love 3x

Although I’ve been damaged

Yes I still believe in love 3x

It’s true

I’ll keep on moving
I’ll keep on running
Passing through hallways
Of who I’ve become
I’ll keep on driving
Into the darkness
Not scared of loving
Turn my lights on
Cause where I’m from
We carry on
And keep on living
And keep on running
Running towards
What I’ve been running from

Yes I still believe in love 3x

What I’ve been running from

Speak

2009-10-22T22:56:00.002+08:00

Everything has a solution if you speak it out. (Unless there are any hidden agenda)

So, I managed to sort our some problems at work by talking to people and of course by lending my ears and listening to what others have to say on the other end as well.

Conclusion, I feel much better and much more motivated. I hope this will last long though.

So what am I doing/ will I do to aid in the growth of the company?
- Financial projection.
- Ficha Tecnica.
- Business Plan.
- Get more involved in starting up the incubator project.

Hopefully, there will be more coming my way. ;)

What's next?

2009-10-17T10:47:00.006+08:00

Me llamo Cathy.

Meu nome e Cathy.

I graduated with a degree in Economics, groomed from a Pure Science background and worked in various industries, various sectors - banking, technology, Project management, risk, non-profit movement and management of an international student organization, nationally.

What’s next?

I didn’t know.

I simply lay my hands on myaiesec.net and applied for an internship, any internship abroad. And Artemisia crosses my sight and hence there I applied and now I am in Brazil doing financial planning for a gastronomy-related social business. Truly. What is all of these crazily random encounters about?

I just came back from an amazing sharing session with Artemisia trainees and coordinators. We shared a lot, all the way from why we are where we are today to our vision and plans for the future. I admit that my times at my workplace is not fantastic and may not have turned out to be as warm as I expected but these all so-called challenges just left a space for me – a space for me to really think and reflect on the same question.

What’s next?

I still do not know.

What I know is this. Wherever you are, whatever you do, you’ve got to enjoy and make the full out of every single moment and opportunities you have at the moment. That includes partying hard, meeting enough people, building enough networks, leaving enough impact and good impressions, paving a secure enough path for whatever that is ahead of you (whatever that is). It’s ok if it is not clear but so long that you fight a good fight, things will slowly emerge onto the surface and then you will know that you fought a worthy fight.

Right now I have tons of opportunity to network and to know so much about (social) entrepreneurship, of meeting amazing people with amazing vision about their lives, their works and the world – just like how Muhammad Yunus managed to shake the entire world with his selflessly noblest vision of making poverty history.

"The only place where poverty should be is in museums."

The personal dilemma for me is this. Two contradictory expectations (or maybe they aren't that much of a contradiction after all). One is the realistic expectation of securing a well-paying job which usually is the norm and another is to really utilize all these experience and opportunities that I, again, randomly grasped and to really go all out against the norm and start my own social business venture.

Unsure, but I have no choice but to continue my journey and fight a good fight to continue to bump around, searching and enjoying every single bit of the little time I have.

p/s: Why is it simply too much to be someone I am not? So I don't look back and regret for not having reacted in the way I would have had reacted or said things which I would have had said and above all, to have not forgone doing something which I know by my very nature would have done. You can only be young once. You can only be yourself once. They're compromisingly parallel.

And here, cheers to a greatly amazing journey ahead.

Ubatuba this weekend

2009-10-10T01:00:00.003+08:00

Bikini

+

Sunblock

+

loadsa warm clothing cos of the crazily cold & rainy weather.

=

Ubatuba!!

The weather forecast:

Not too good weather but it´s ok!! :DD woo hoo!

Hangover

2009-09-18T21:09:00.002+08:00

Things are got crazy, getting crazier but I am getting back on track.

It´s either I am really that hot or guys here just love Asian girls with petite figure. (but Brazilian girls have some really hot ass! I just don´t get it). Some guys are obvious with what they want, which is obvious for most guys what that could be. And I just need to find a way to reject them and some are really sweet and nice which makes me very confused. Now I understand why there are so many gays and bisexuals in Sao Paulo. People are so open and sometimes confused that they just be with the same gender who respect and love them for who they are more than giving in to what their flesh cries out for.

Anyway, I finish a bottle of champagne with an acquantaince yesterday and I was still sober. I am amazed! But my head does feel slightly heavy now. And man! people here drinks tons of beer. Was at a house party in the weekend, and they have been drinking from 1pm till 10pm.. no.. we took a break for dinner outside.. and we came back and just drank till 3/4am... we stopped? no.
people woke up the next morning and started drinking more! haha.. the best part??

none of us were drunk. ALL SOBER. impressed.

São Paulo

2009-08-25T20:55:00.002+08:00

If you would have noticed, the pictures on top and at the bottom of this blog are what I snapped at São Paulo August last year. And my profile picture is from Amsterdam.

Just strange how this all just led me back to the same place (São Paulo) via the same route (Amsterdam).

I'm loving this place pretty much and the openness of friendship here. An open expression of love, amigo i guess? It's good.

Will update more with pictures and details when I get internet connection at my apartment.

Stay tuned!

Peace!

2009-08-01T00:59:00.004+08:00

Ok so I managed to squeeze in a little bit of time to update my blog.

It just doesn't feel quite right to leave my latest post to be sth not so positive sounding.

So here it is..

I had a really really hectic summer vacation! Enjoyed it though. Weekends are great. I met, hung out and got closer to a couple of friends. Really is great. Makes me miss Singapore even more when I leave I know.

I always wonder how can Ibankers survive with onely 4 hours of sleep a day. I realised it really is workable man. I have been sleeping for around 5 hours for the past few months, sometimes coming back at 7am - not work of course! more of like the after school/ vacation excitement with friends.. Strange but I really like staying out late with friends. Peacefully or laughing all the way through the night, its nice.. exactly the kinda things you need when you're so tired from work and stuff. (not that I don't enjoy my internship, its just that when you are in a corporate environment, there are some corporate unspoken rules and lingo to adhere to and that's really tiring for some brainless straight-forward and idealistic kid like me). Anyways, yeps I feel very peaceful.

I am loved and blessed. It's time I start giving with what I have received. I'm ready for an amazing 6 months ahead.

loving and trusting You.

My Eleventh Week

2009-07-21T21:49:00.002+08:00

It has been long, pretty long since I last blog. At least, it felt like long.

Things have been moving very hecticly each and every single day. The next thing I know, another week's gone and go by everyday like a zombie lacking of sleep. Not because I have been working too much. Nothing like that. Rather, I do work a lot and when its over, I lose satisfaction and motivation and I rather do everything else but to finish the unfinished works I have - all the personal commitments I made to so many people and myself.

It's dangerous to be driven by passion alone. You know why?

You never know when passion runs dry. When it does, you feel all vulnerable and you just don't excel in the things you once were good at and next thing you know, you're mediocre or worse, you're performing below expectation.

My second internship has been tough. My peers some lovely, some aren't. But in a whole, I feel like I'm drifting away every single day. It's like I meet new people, I learn new things. They are all awesome and stuff. But, I think I kind of lost that drive to do things, even to hang out with friends - to the extent that, I go out on weekends just because I do not wnat to say no to people who asked me out. Something which should have been pleasurable became one of those courtesy responses.

What really is happening to me?

Be careful of what you wish for. You might end up getting all of them.

2009-06-27T15:34:00.004+08:00

This is really true.

Sometimes, I forgot what I wished for. I just scroll back to my previous posts, some of em:

http://nectarlove.blogspot.com/2008/01/me-myself-and-i.html

http://nectarlove.blogspot.com/2009/05/if-things-dont-go-as-planned.html

I realised that things do somehow come through and show up eventually. You just got to be patient and it will show.

So here's my next journey.

1. I am graduating! Commencement on 7th July!

2. I am ending my AIESEC MC term on 8th August!

3. I am heading to Latin America and I am not sure for how long!

4. Beyond that?

I don't know. And that's precisely what makes life even more exciting! :)

p/s: If you are in Singapore, please give me a buzz before August. I really really seriously want to meet up for lunch/ dinner/ drinks possibly with everyone before I leave. Esp. since I don't know when I will be back here again. =)

Love!

Facebook no more

2009-06-21T22:49:00.011+08:00

ok so.. for some strange reason that i myself don't know, Facebook disabled my account!! grrr..
I shall just use blog to rant instead!

man! I MISS you guys SO MUCh!!!!!

I can't believe I could have missed just one great grand REUNION just like that!! :( sobs

p/s: I can't find any pictures of Feeny and HY with me :(

Am I in your prayers?

2009-06-02T22:29:00.002+08:00

Why do things seem to be going tumbling down?

I need to be a man and I will hold back my tears too.

I'm reading Norwegian Wood

2009-05-15T23:31:00.003+08:00

Warning: This post is about me and it's going to be boring esp. if you are not a close friend.

Certain things are confusing me:

1. I am reading a book lent by a pretty 'guyish' guy. I noticed that as much as I thought I have been reading books by male authors or being in a male-dominated industry most of the time, I really did not know men as much as I thought I did. So this book is about a teenage Japanese guy. (I'm a lil tired and lazy and summarize now but maybe in the following post I would.) The book not as interesting as I thought it would be, did made me think. And I wonder why would a pretty 'guyish' guy, well at least i thought he was, read something so erm.. hmm.. kinda sentimental? (I can't find any better words than sentimental now. My brain is just too exhasuted. )

2. I have always have had a pre-conception about men. They are jerks and they sleep around. Although my previous relationship tells me its not true but eventually, I am still not convinced about it. But come to think of it, men are as vulnerable as women. This guy in the book felt horrible about sleeping around but he just couldn't help it. He was lost because someone left (its more than that) but still. And his friend who is supposedly cute, smart, affluent etc has slept with over 100 girls.. kinda like a routine thing. To me, these people are just lost. They really do not know what to look for in life. Hence, they give in to their body's desire rather than that of their soul... ok I'm stepping a lil too deep here. But if you don't get me just forget it.

3. Men just react differently to situations and stress differently from women. And this don't mean they are jerks. Though I still am not convinced.

4. I think way too much. As much as I want to take things lightly, I think it really is not that easy. Maybe, I won't be in any relationship still unless someone push me into it? Perhaps I just think a little more than an average girl would at my age. It's pretty offensive when i heard this comment but some Singtel guy once said, "You'll make a good wife". What the?!!!! I make a fun companion mind you!!

5. I was dreadful to leave Singapore to UPenn for various reasons. One of it, I have met so many amazing people just a few months when I was about to leave. I believe this would be one reason why I am relieved not to leave to UPenn anymore. I am opening my eyes and I see so many more things. The same internship I was at last year seems so different this year. I can't really tell you why or how but perhaps I grew a whole lot within the span of this one year. I see people and things not from first impressions or appearance anymore. As in, rather than labelling anyone as cool, normal or weird, strange or good, bad... there really is no such labelling anymore. Someone kept mentioning this term called "social retard". I just don't get why would anyone want to degrade himself like that. Do not let anyone let you down just because you think they think you are different. I don't know. I think I am a much nicer person now, I take more risks, and I am more open to anyone and anything.

6. The book and this same person who came up with the "social retard" term made me realise one other thing. You would have learnt this in any Psychology or Management course but maybe it just did not cross your mind - Everyone thinks that they are unique from each other. Here's one excerpt from the book,

"I read a lot, but not a lot of different books: I like to read my favourites again and again. But then it was truman Capote, John Updike, F. Scott fitzgerald, Raymond Chandler, but I didn't see anyone else in my lectures or the dorm reading something like that....which was another reason why I didn't have much to say to anybody but kept to myself and my books." Then he met someone else who had the same 'taste' as him. This guy with super different personality, aflluent societal standing, good-looking, rich, smart.. etc.. "That's why I read them. If you only read the books that everyone else is reasing, you can only think what everyone else is thinking. That's the world of hicks and slobs. Real people should be ashamed of themselves doing that. Haven't you notice Watanabe? You and I are the only real ones in this dorm. The other guys are crap."

This did not stun me but it just reminded me of the same guy who came up with that term I mentioned above. Everyone for some reasons at some circumstances and time just think they are unique and they are above everyone else. I felt so about myself too. I always thought I was born to do something great. And I still believe in it. There is nothing wrong in this. But all I am trying to say here is that, because we are all so different, we are all actually very alike.

another summer break/ last summer break?

2009-05-11T21:02:00.003+08:00

Things have been really tough.. it hurts me real deep when I look back at the amount of effort I put into something which I destroyed at last.

When I couldn't decide, circumstances just forced me into a decision.

Self-doubt is normal I know. Though, I feel really tired and restless right now. I have no one to turn to but You. I am too afraid of the disappointments anyone is capable of giving me. I supposed in Landmark terms, I am restraining myself because of my own fear. No doubt, I fear. I acknowledge that but so what? All I've got to say... I still fear.

Forsake me not and strengthen me. Whatever lies ahead, let not my dumbness destroy no nothing no more.

If things don't go as planned..

2009-05-01T22:06:00.002+08:00

What will I do?

1. Do a 1/2- 1 year stint at a beautiful place like Turkey, Spain & many other unexplored place.
2. Get serious with music. Re-learn guitar, pick up something else, and re-play drum.
3. Wherever that is, pick up its language.
4. Have some really peaceful times.. stress-free.. read some good books.
5. And of course, meet some awesome people along the way.
6. Really figure out my direction in life.

What's bothering me now?
Money. Is that really everything? But I'm reaching the age when I really need to sustain my own finances at least.

If things don't go as planned..

I have no idea really where it will lead me to.

p/s: I realised that I have tended to be more and more forgetful as I grow up.. and I realised that I have been much more stress-prone and less fun... nd its correlated.. stress, emotions, and sleep-deprivation leads to memory loss.... no wonder most ppl seem to be able to remember the entire textbook back in those days but nt when there are so many distractions as they grow up maybe?

*another random thot diarrhea *

A mixture of news and reactions

2009-04-04T16:59:00.015+08:00

I have a new Prime Minister. And I find it cool that at least he does not live in his own bubble, i.e.: He actually utilizes web 2.0 to gain support. - Bringing politics in Malaysis onto another level. I don't really care how corrupt a politician is but so long that you still bring equal development to the country, you are doing a pretty large part of what you vow to do.. http://www.1malaysia.com.my/

I have had 2 phone interview 2 nights in a row. The first one was not very impressive in the sense that she sounded like those blondie that I usually stereotype with "incompetence" (?). I like the interview I had yesterday. The one which I did not had time to prepare for and I was rushing back from cg meeting. Managed to make it on Skype by 11:30pm. It was great in the sense that I could hear the COO confidence in the start-up and that he knows the flaws, very realistic about it and was open to talk to me, an intern candidate about it. What entices me most is that it was only after this interview that I felt more excited about going to Philly now. The next best thing - I got offered within 30 min after the interview :) . Another good news, its 15 min from the place which I wil probably be staying at, its near UPenn, they pay above the average intern pay and both the CEO and COO are Christians :)

It is kind of 80% confirmed that I will be in Philadelphia for a year now. So what willI be doing?

I will be studying in UPenn Wharton and Engineering school + working for a Start-up at Philadelphia.

I will be back in Merill for another summer internship from May-July.

But this time in the new building, bigger office space and probably get a 2-screen monitor with a super nice lounge.. :P

And.. I nearly got knocked down by a Bus just now. If my friend did not have pushed me away (you know like those you see on tv), I would really have been knocked down. After the 'traumatic' incident, my friends and I did talked about it and how close it was. They look more scared than me probably because they saw entire incident when I was backing the bus until she pushed me over. I said this to them and I still mean it, "I don't want to sound stupid, but I really want to thank God for this amazing Experience!!"

ok, perhaps, maybe as crazy as it sounds, I knew things will be alright. I knew the interviews will go fine hence i was not nervous at all, I knew everything will go the way it will be as long as I do what my might allows me to do. Well above all, of course I am grateful that I am saved and I got the internship offer for almost so easily. Whoever you are if you are reading this, here what i have got to say - Believe in something. If you only believe in yourself, you are lying to yourself. If you have not found that something yet, go search for it. In all of world's history, nothing comes in the way of a lazy man.

Lastly having gone through all these excitements and various reactions to all these incidences. I somehow got this gloom coming back to me. Probably because I felt that everyone is so busy with their own chase in life or so bogged down by work or whatever, you hardly find anyone who would stop by and really spend time talking nonsense with you like the good old school days. (of course, I'm glad that i still have friends like that who happen to be scattered all over also).

Now, don't you feel that things seem to get colder as you grow older? If you realized that already, do your part and give that lil bit of your time to others :) and be less critical too? Really life would be so much more worth living if you live it rather than analyze it.

*Just my two cents worth*
Hope you enjoy the read :)

Recharged!

2009-03-14T00:12:00.002+08:00

I feel recharged! I just feel this flow of energy coming back to me and I feel a lot more optimistic about things.

Really all my achievements to date, all the people I've met and all the places I have been, are not accidental or randomly given. A friend was sharing about the famous Steve Job's Keynote speech at Stanford, a point which i have missed when i have watched it numerous times before. It goes sth like this, " If you cannot connect the dots while looking ahead, look backwards."

Truly, all the opportunities that come my way, all the "random" encounters with amazing people over a small party or small talk on a bus really isn't all random after all. I believe that God always have the intention to groom us to be the best we can be and also to help us grow alongside the companionship of many others who come along our way.

It's the strangest thing to be grateful for. But i am grateful that I failed my midterm test which contribute 40% to my final exam. That really is nothing compared to the wake up call it gives me - rely not on your own strengths alone. And of course, this and many other encounters also reminded me to always stay humble and grateful like I used to be or better.

Black Balloon

2009-03-09T10:26:00.004+08:00

For the sake of those around you whom you care and love, speak not what your heart thinks when no one is asking about it.

Let not pessimism take rule of your beliefs and dreams.

The short-sighted are those who see only the road in front of them and dare not venture into what's beyond.

These are what my heart speaks, beyond which, there's black balloon.

I'm up at 3am

2009-03-05T03:42:00.008+08:00

So I slept at 7pm and I'm up now.

Well, I don't mind having weird sleeping hours at all. Apart from the fact that I can't catch up with friends over msn etc, waking up early sorta gives me more peace and time? Anyway, friendship really does matter to me a lot. You don't always meet someone speaks the same language as you.

So here's the thing, I'm going to UPenn in Philly rather than Shanghai after all.
But to be honest, having been to both North, South America, Amsterdm, India etc, I think I have had enough on my CV and I am kind of tired of traveling around and not having something solid.

The ideal situation is to graduate now and get a job, with decent pay of course.
If you've heard me saying this before, I'm just going to say it again. I only wanted a simple life.

Again, maybe I'm just cranky-sounding now because I woke up at 3am in the morning today. And its super hot and humid still.

Anyway, I guess the dynamism of life just require you to fit everything and juggle well and to try your best not to drop even a single ball you juggle no matter how many add-ons there are. As practical as I wish to be, I guess at the end of the day, it really is not all about earning big bucks. And yes, I am not going to bother my parents with my finances this time and when i grad, with this 2 year extension to be at UPenn and my honors year in NUS, I will be very heavily indebted.

I will let you know if its worth my time and investment few years down the road. Right now I definitely doubt its worth. Not like I have much choice anyway.

Shanghai

2009-03-03T05:25:00.006+08:00

Yesterday was a day of bad news.

Jetlagged and i woke up at 3am. Got called around 9am by a company saying they don't need any full time analyst right now. They offered internships to those who are not graduating this year. So, if I am not graduating, I might be considered for internship instead.

And I met up with the NUS college team regarding my stint in Shanghai. I was shocked why they thought I suit Shanghai best. I still am shocked. I wanted Philly and LA so badly.. bt Shanghai was written all over my face?? Apparently, I'm not that techy to be in Philly and LA for Silicon Valley and Biovalley.

So now what?

Looking at it, it could be calling for me. To pick up Chinese. I don't know.
At this point of time, I just feeling tired of being a foreigner. I will always be a foreigner and I can't stay long at a place. Even if I go to Shanghai, that would be a year and I will be back here again. Maybe, perhaps, right now, I'm a lil tired of instability?

or maybe I'm just being cranky because I woke up at friggin 5am today and its so hot and humid here! boo hoo..

A lot like Love & Aqualung

2009-02-06T10:37:00.003+08:00

What I really miss right now?
Watching A lot like love again!

The plot:
On a flight from Los Angeles to New York, Oliver and Emily make a connection, only to decide that they are poorly suited to be together. Over the next seven years, however, they are reunited time and time again, they go from being acquaintances to close friends to ... lovers? Written by IMDb Editors

While flying from Los Angeles to New York, the "good boy" Oliver Martin (Ashton Kutcher) meets the "bad girl" Emily Friehl (Amanda Peet). They stay together along the day in New York, when Oliver discloses the planning of his life - his future career, successful job and then raising a family. He gives the phone number of his mother to Emily and asks her to call seven years later to check. For seven years, they occasionally meet each other, and in the end, their relationship becomes love. Written by Claudio Carvalho, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil

Why I really liked it?
The movie really goes very well its title. It really is "a lot like love". Well, the down side, she got married to someone else at last. Wait a minute, did she leave the wedding? I forgot!! I watched this like 4 years ago? with Liz :)

I don't know. But I really believe that you never know who you'll meet, where or when. Somehow, somewhere, somewhat?

And what I really like about it also..
The soundtrack!!

My all-time fav Aqualung:

Strange and Beautiful

sometimes, the strangest things just seem to be the most beautiful, at the strangest times :)

okiess so, I'm like posting like a wee bit too much in a day... when I have a million of oth things to do of course!

I think I shall make this as an excuse to stop touching my blog for at least 2 months? Maybe one Semester!

*i just wonder whatever happened to all the post comments and chatbox msgs? Is anyone still there?? nvm, for good or for bad, you won't see me for quite some time now :) *

Lenka - Anything I'm Not

2009-02-06T09:53:00.004+08:00

Her songs are really cute!

Here's one:

Anything I'm Not

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yhZCcCA5wc4&feature=related

Well, of course The Show is still better :)
(i want my money back, just enjoy the show)

Force of Nature is pretty good too :)

I kinda anticipate that if her public image doesn't die off within this couple of years, she will soon show more sex appeal and move on to a diff genre.

we'll just see.

Are you a People Pleaser?

2009-02-03T00:32:00.004+08:00

You know you are when you

1. Do or say something that does not truly reflect your wants and needs, in order to please someone else.

2. Are afraid that no one will like you, that someone will leave you, or that you will be left all alone if you don't say the right thing.

3. Expect to anticipate, and to mold yourself to, everyone else's needs and learn that the only way to receive a positive response was to do what others wanted you to do.

4. Have low self-esteem.

I realised that Asians being a collectivist society are very prone to be people pleasers. They don't speak up. They don't dare to offend and they don't dare to be different. Perhaps that's why the general English-educated kids find it hard to blend in the Chinese-educated kids.

Western culture fosters an individualistic society. People try to differentiate themselves from the rest. i.e.: the cool factor. Whereas the Eastern culture fosters collectivism. People tend to be "peace-y" and try to blend in so not to be regarded like a black sheep.

Probably that's why Westerners (Americans esp), make better marketeers.

Simplified: Westerners see the pretty swan whereas the Asians see an ugly duckling instead.

Disclaimer: Of course, they are definitely those are in betweens.

here, Wikihow on How not to be a people pleaser! haha!

Just enjoy the show.. dum de dum

2009-01-16T14:36:00.003+08:00

I want to just sing it all out in a song which I could write and enliven.

Random thots 1:
Why do all ships have got to sink?

Random thots 2:
Why do all whatever ships have got to run cold?

Random thots 3:
Why do I need to write this down?

Random thots 4:
Why do we need to grow up?

Random thots 5:
I need stay strong, not to compromise and go towards that direction I'm heading to.

Random thots 6:
What happens to things I can't quite control?

Random thots 7:
I want a pet dog.

That's all from my random thots diarrhea

Mah Spring Break! :)

2009-01-08T11:25:00.019+08:00

My Spring break?

Singapore
- Gala Dinner + NLDS

Malaysia / HOME!

1. Been Watching Loadsa HK Drama!
"The Gem of Life".. typical HK dramas usually have very very materialistic characters depicted in it.. but this one, hmm someting different la.. its materialistic still but it feels like a major improvement from the villain vs. good guy HK drama.

2. Bumming around bro/ our place :)

3. Went home HOME for a bit.

4. Crashing parties.
Went to sky bar, Zouk, Abi's place, Jeannie's place, Pavilion follow up by Steven's Corner with bro:) etc etc

5. FOOD!!

Landed in KL, went for family seafood dinner at Seremban with sis.
Seafood dinner with family in KL again.
Loads and loadsa seafood dinners + rojak + etc etc back in my hometown.
Sky Bar dinner while waiting for Veron/uaii ee babe! But someone never turn up lor :(
My last day in KL?

Am so happy to see hy!! Had a lot of fun celebrating New Year's eve with her friends. Went shopping etc. And then met mok mok for a bit.

Desserts at Ministry of Food.

HK bbq with mok mok at bbq plaza!
Korean bbq at Hartamas!! mok mok's recommendation! :))

Cheers to a fantastic New YEAR!!

ps: Still waiting for some pics! HY babe! :))

Happy New Year everyone!!
if you say its going to be good, you know i know you know that it IS going to be AMAZING!

;)

more decisions await me

2009-01-06T23:44:00.013+08:00

a little bit of an update before i summarize the rapidly drifted away 2008 and the undecided 2009..
(2009 reminds me of what Japa said 2 years back when our time here really became the turning point in his life before he left.)

Sometimes, i wonder why do people come and go all the time...
i guess its nt just others.. i do that too... everyth's fresh.. u start afresh wherever u go.

I am very undecided with 2009.. blurry.. i think i've got a job offer. great firm, lovely culture, with pretty good pay. but is that what I'm looking for? *big sigh*

A slight summary of the amazing things that happened since I came:

2006
Survived a 4-month attachment, away from home for the first time.
Survived Pantai Putri Hospital, Mahkota Hospital, TI Hospital, tons of japs and endoscope in me.
Left for Singapore alone.
Akio and I nearly got on the plane which crashed in Indonesia.

2007
I flew to India alone.
Dated a really really great guy.
Fairy tale. Lovely. Difficult. Eye opening. Mind boggling. year.

2008
Independent me.
AIESEC ran in my blood.
Sourced 6k on my own for Brazil and Amsterdam.
Merrill came onto my CV.
My grades thrived.

2009
Practical?
Idealistic?
Both?

Currently Breathing: Goo goo dolls - Better Days

some updates

2008-12-28T01:52:00.003+08:00

listening to Amy Pearson - I'm ready to fly on 8tv in KL right now.

Home has been similar and the usual me is still me..

A break is such a refreshing thing..

I miss Singapore when I'm in Msia and I miss home when I'm in Singapore..

oh oh and I'm meeting Veron/HY bitch/ Hao Por Yi soon!! can't wait!

Party at Abi's place was really nice last night.. feels like hanging out with a bunch of HK friends.. playing some Hongkie games, speaking Cantonese, acting Cantonese.. hehe! I speak so much of Cantonese these days!! Went to hair salon and last min xmas shopping with fabulous Mok and Viv too! xoxo :)

omg.. tv is playing Negaraku now! was going to turn it off until i realise that its quite a good acapella.. haha.. im listening to Negaraku now!!

*salute*

beeping sound.. end of tv program

survived through mid term

2008-12-07T01:46:00.008+08:00

such steep learning curve. so much of sweat and pain.

But it's all worth while.

1. AGM 0708

2. MC hoodie

3. Alumni-meet-MC dinner

4. BoA meeting

5. AIESEC 60th Anniversary Gala Dinner.

6. Alumni Engagement priority leader - NLDS.
7. AIESEC Fundamental session Faci - NLDS.
8. Election.

Next term?
more to come! ;)

ps: I really need to thank Sharon for being there when we really needed help. esp with Gala and the session sharing!! Thank you Sharon! It wouldn't have been as successful without you! :))

Extracted from my restricted journal/blog...

2008-11-25T16:00:00.009+08:00

Friday, October 5, 2007

reflections and inspirations

just flipped through newsweek... read bout dubai's sharp growth and saturation in singapore and hongkong... somehow all these strike me... where did my goals go? do i wana earn a fix income n work for the sake of workin or to go beyond that? what do i wnat to learn? what do i want to gain from my experiences? maybe its time to plan for my summer vacation properly...maybe i can use it to do my ism... i dunno.. a good CV is not everyth.. wat matters is what u've gain our of the resources u have.. ur uni life.. everyth that lies in front of u.. its up to u to grasp it.. or not to bother...n lead a normal average life.. gettin a fixed average wage.. live in a normal HDB... what do you want?

Posted by cathyc at 7:02 PM

I realised I didn't change much, apart from how much I have grown and 'achieved' in this one year... ever since I left India.

Can you touch 'em?

2008-11-13T18:23:00.010+08:00

How much do you think you actually know?

Amidst of all the education and the chase for greater 'comfort', where's humanity?

The Untouchables and the Dalits.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F5JkfYcxiQ8

I could not link this vid directly as embedding is disabled.

But.. just one thing I can never answer. Would life be happier for these 'oppressed' people ?

nonsensically random

2008-11-11T01:41:00.001+08:00

i think im stressed.

I really should not be here..

2008-11-05T00:06:00.003+08:00

I have way too many deadlines.. and yet I am not as stressed up and worried as I was in year 1.

In fact, I spend all my time apart from official lectures and school doing AIESEC work.

I think I really need to divert my attention back to school. I am getting on my nerves.. Going home right after organizing a BoA meeting, right after sending 80+ sales mails out and right after sending so many emails and reminders to BoA and MC member about the meeting, and right after corresponding with the venue manager, talking to Alumni, sourcing for Keynote speaker and right after realising that so many people has been inviting VIP/ Guest of Honor over without informing me...

hmm.. what shall I say?

Get you ass off here and start working on your quiz tmr!! and your paper deadline too!! oh no.

Such beautiful music

2008-10-26T00:38:00.003+08:00

Listening to Max Shanti - Just Two of Us...

http://www.myspace.com/maxshanti

what beautiful tunes to my ears!

:)

Chasing self-lessness

2008-10-23T12:52:00.006+08:00

I really cannot wait until my AIESEC term is over when I can truly sign up for philanthropy or YMCA or just help out in local ministry here on a weekly commitment.

It's not that I am not enjoying what I do now, I guess I am just a little tired of self-development, building a leader within me and of others in my task force.
[Disclaimer: I enjoy my term a lot even more as time goes by. I am seeing more values in my effort to drive alumni engagement and ethical leadership and to slowly see results coming in. This is a MUST-do commitment which I forced myself into in Dec. And no, no regrets :) ]

I realized that the most satisfying moments are those when I am back to the naive-me, being all self-less and all out to serve - like those Handicapped camps which I attended many many years ago - of bathing these kids/adults/of listening to their "interesting" lingo and to remember these people in your life forever. Their lives are so fragile. It is not shocking to hear someone bid us farewell forever in one of those camps but of course, it is sad. very.

Sometimes, looking at things, you'll never know. It could be a blessing for the so-called "less fortunate" to not comprehend the world and its everyday worries.

Anyway, here's something i got from my fav bitch's blog :)

She went beyond where the heavens are and to the moon said, au revoir.

How naughty to have flown so farwithout the permission of Papa.

"That is so beautiful, Maestro," Ospina said to the teacher. "When are you coming back?"

http://www.iht.com/articles/2008/10/20/america/20burro.php?page=2

Biblioburro means library in Spanish. (I'm taking Spanish now! ;))

2008-10-14T11:53:00.002+08:00

I need a break from this realistic world and realistic conversations...

Maybe its time to sign up for sth now.

chocolate

2008-10-09T01:16:00.001+08:00

such an important part of life.

keeps you happy when you're down..
keeps you full when you're hungry..

especially in the middle of the night

my typical week as AIESEC's part-time MC...

2008-10-08T00:39:00.004+08:00

Sunday

Fill in online tracking sheet and reports.
Start studying for Tuesday's paper.

Monday

Die die. Study for my Stats paper. Missed the first 4 weeks of class to attend AIESEC International Congress in Brazil. Come back, more AIESEC work&meeting&conference. Haven't had time to catch up until now. Oh no!!
Rush/contact a potential NLDS speaker again.

Tuesday

Survived two tests. - badly-
Attend LC departmental meeting.
Come back to room, received emails and sms-es asking me to send them AIESEC-related documents + requests to contact AIESEC Advisors to raise more company meetings.'
Discussion with the P.
Review global compendium on Alumni Assoc. issues.
Look through last term's report and BoA presentation slides.
Settle agenda for BoA meeting.

Wednesday

That's tomorrow!
HCAP notice board.
Contact @ Alumni Assoc.
Start contacting Gala Dinner responsibles.
Reply Jeremy's msg on Ethics. + TRansparent International!
Probably start thinking of a rough outline of the Ethics session in NLDS already.
Call Elise if I still have time.

Other days

AIESEC
study for tests
AIESEC
sit for tests
AIESEC
go to class
AIESEC
projects and presentations
AIESEC
study for exams
AIESEC
sit for exams
AIESEC
AIESEC
AIESEC
home
AIESEC
AIESEC
AIESEC
school

Day 3 of the book

2008-10-02T11:07:00.008+08:00

" It's human nature to get distracted by minor issues. We play Trivial Pursuit with our lives. Henry David Thoreau observed that people live lives of "quiet desperation," but today a better description is aimless distraction.

Without a clear purpose, you will keep changing directions, jobs, relationships, churches, or other externals - hoping each change will settle confusion or fill emptiness in your heart. You think, Maybe this time it will be different, but it doesn't solve you real problem - a lack of focus and purpose."

"If you want your life to have an impact, focus it! Stop dabbling. Stop trying to do it all. Do less. Prune away even good activities and do only what which matters most. Never confuse activity with productivity. You can be busy without a purpose, but what's the point?

Purpose always produces passion. Nothing energizes like a clear purpose. One th other hand, passion dissipates when you lack purpose. Just getting out of bed becomes a major chore. It is usually meaningless work, not overwork, that wears us down, saps our strength, and robs our joy."

"Many people spend their lives trying to create a lasting legacy on earth. They want to be remembered when they are gone. Yet, what matters most will not be what other people say about your life but what God says.What people fail to realise is that all achievements are eventually surpassed, records are broken, reputations fade, and tributes are forgotten.

Living to create an earthly legacy is a short-sighted goal. "

of waking up in the middle of the night, to read, to blog, and to send a message to a friend

2008-09-29T01:14:00.006+08:00

As I was feeling restless and could not sleep at the same time, I decided to read something to help me sleep better. After having been with me for 3 months now, all the way from Singapore to Brazil and Amsterdam, I finally managed to flip through this book which Alice left in my room, on purpose.

I have heard a lot about this book even before I came to Singapore, even before Delphine left for Melbourne when we were 15. Somehow, something just pulled me away from reading it - probably its just the cynical me.

I realised that as much as I have lots of view about life and people and our society today, I might have shut my ears to the other perspective sometimes - because I am just too cynical. After reading a chapter of this, I flipped through the last page.

It was stated that 90% of the sales from this book goes to P.E.A.C.E plan and Acts of Mercy, which serves those infected and affected by AIDS. The I ponder, as much as I am cynical about Christianity, religious writers and churches in developed cities like Singapore, maybe, maybe there are some really genuine people out there. - people who really believe in the things that they do and they drive. Rick Warren, the author of the book founded the Purpose Driven Movement, a network of tens of thousands of churches from all denominations in 160 countries. I guess it is the combination of what I am going through in AIESEC which sort of change my perception of things now. I stayed and I worked myself so hard - unpaid, sometimes unseen, without much recognition, but I and many other ppl around the world still stay on; because we really believe that AIESEC really can make a difference in the society we live in today, it really can make a difference in somenone's life. And we, are part of this something big.

I guess it is very hard for people who have not been in AIESEC before to see our vision for the society and people around the world today and in future just like how I could never believe that big NGOs out there and religious movements out there are really genuinely working towards a real cause. I guess it definitely is not fair to the many Mother Teresas and Muhammad Yunus-es out there just because of those few corrupted minds.

I think it is very dumb of me to shut my self to the beauty of the world and amazing people around me just because of the realistic majority of the world today. I am beginning to see why it has always been so hard for me to be close to God ever since I have left home. As you move further away from your world of comfort, you tend to be much more cynical about the world and happenings around you because of the people whom you've met or you anticipate to meet and hence you try to protect yourself from everyone and anything from hurting you - and these are the things that makes you drift away from the ideals that you once believe in.

Rio de Janeiro! samba!

2008-09-27T21:49:00.006+08:00

The more I listen to this, the more I miss El Misti at Rio: Salsa, Latin Jazz

My Dream is to Fly Over the Rainbow So High

2008-09-27T00:21:00.006+08:00

In love with this song ;)

Rise Up! I will fly over the rainbow so high!

My Dream:
Leave everything behind me, and go to Africa or Latin America.

At the same time, I yearn to contribute more significantly, someone who could make more difference - to work in World Bank or UN etc. One needs relevant skill sets and knowledge to get there though.

Hence, in order to gain knowledge and to build on credibility, I need to chase for more knowledge. Learn more, study.

The catch here is, as an individual who loves to get on the ground and savour the fruits of my labour directly, I hope to interact with people, whose lives I wish make a difference in. I used to think that personally, I prefer to sit on a managerial position and to drive changes from top-down better, but at this point of time, I somehow wish to get on the ground and just make that very little difference which i could afford to make. And not having to worry about the others much or to blame myself if things don't turn out well, that is, if I were to sit on managerial positions, driving projects or anyth of greater scales.

Another thing which I gained from the Management role I play in AIESEC, I should really be more open to criticism and to be more "think skin" so to speak. Well, whatever people say, left ear in right ear out right?

On another note, I miss my carefree life.. of the times when I get to travel and roam around, the times whenever I am out of Singapore. I feel so much more fun and I am so much more of a FUN person!!! crappy, random and bochap!!.. ahhaha..

Oh well, but if life carries on like that, I might as well live in my own world where all I care about is my own love and happiness? I guess there always is a trade off. The more I want to bring happiness into other peoples' lives around me, the more I need to... erm.. what yea?

enough of rambling..

learning curve

2008-09-15T00:23:00.003+08:00

What I want to achieve:

1. Alumni Engagement legacy.
2. To spread happiness and inspire members.
3. To have a great sense of energy!
4. Good grades.
5. To get nearer to my dreams of making a large difference.
6. Enjoy my MC term MORE!
7. Enjoy EVERYONE around me!
8. BE SELFLESS!!!
9. To OPEN up!!

Back from all the greatness at South America and Europe

2008-09-11T21:55:00.002+08:00

I think I look at the past too much.

At this point of time.. like a couple of hours before my birthday.. I do not feel even a lil hyped up at all.. rather i feel a lil depressed..

If i could just leave everyth behind and run away to africa.. do things for others.. make a difference there.. rather than to build myself and trying to make sth great at the same time..

where am i heading? to be honest, i feel empty.. right now.

summer blues~

2008-07-05T11:49:00.003+08:00

A taste of summer this year?

To put it, I'd say its never easy growing up when you know you need to. Hang on a sec, do I really need to? hmmphh... not unless if I don't mind living in the streets.

At this point of time last year, I would have been having the time of my life up in the Himalayas, vacationing around places near Tibet and Nepal with people who definitely leave marks in my life for a long long time.

And now, rather than indulging in what the world and its nature has to offer for me, i bogged myself down, voluntarily, in work, and more work.

My weeks have been a lil too much for me to take at times.. Weekdays would be my internship, weekends would be my commitment for AIESEC. At times, I am not sure why would I like to and always like to "torture" myself and all. But to come to think about it, I always end up much better off when the skies clear up.

Nevertheless, I do miss my best friends (for life!) and my family a fair lot. Especially after watching Sex and the city and after such tiring days at work, learning about office politics which I came to know towards the end of my internship.. and of dealing with new faces everyday. Sometimes, don't you just wish you could rewind back to those times when all you do is laugh so hard til you drop on the floor with tears.. the crazy times when dance all night.. or just do sth crazy like kiss a stranger and get away with it.. haha

I guess rules and personal principles tie a person down. As I go through day by day, learning the art of communication, trying to be more and more like a politican, saying the right thing to the right person at the right time.. I feel more and more confused. What I know, if I stay the way I am, blur and insensitive to people around, its not gonna be a good ending.. esp for my career's sake. I guess thats what everybody needs to pick up from work. I recall how once a Business Continuity Manager who sits across my desk shared in a random chat, "In time of crisis, save your ass first. When you have saved yourself then only look around and save the others." Sounds liek a simple principle/common sense isn't it. It never come out so real to me until I face it myself - times when ppl would just turn their back on you to save themselves. That's adult life I suppose. Just like how my brother told me a long long time ago, you can never escape from being backstabbed and hurt, you got to be proactive rather than being defensive, or you'll be eaten up.. hmm.. i know this gives you a sense of pessimism about life, but whether you'd like to face the reality or not, this is a dog eat dog's world.

Is this what you call a steep learning curve?

Nah, I don't quite think so. The thing is, I feel that whatever that I am facing now is like a piece of cake. Its easy to deal with them but the thing is, I need to prove to you and to myself that I can go through all these commitments that I got myself into.

No matter how weak I would be on the inside. Remisniscing so much into the past, not really past, perhaps just a year ago, I need to constantly remind myself to move on and grow up and to build my own path in life. What traces would I like to leave in everyone else's heart? In the society and the world at large?

That's something which I have yet to find an answer to...

Dilbert - Cognitive Dissonance

2008-04-22T10:01:00.006+08:00

I'm doing a course on Psychology at the moment. It's pretty cool how they actually included Dilbert's comic strip into the textbook as well. I've actually gotten pretty addicted to Dilbert these days. Whenever Im bored of studying at Biz Lib, I'll just go grab one and read and laugh at the corner. Lol.

Anyway, so here it is:

It doesn't turn out well here :( Here's the link: http://chiron.valdosta.edu/mawhatley/7670/activity/dilbert.htm

Ok so here's a brief explanation to what cognitive dissonance means:
Festinger (1957) believed that cognitive dissonance occurs when a person becomes aware that his or her attitudes, thoughts, and behavior are inconsistent with one another.

For instance, if guy A is paid 2 bucks to do a long-winded survey and guy B is paid 20 bucks to do the same thing. Guy A surprisingly will end up more satisfied/happier/more willing to do the survey. What an irony huh?

And that's cognitive dissonance "P

credit crunch - when the bubble bursts?

2008-04-18T21:45:00.022+08:00

Just thought of posting something intellectual after such a long time since i last updated my blog.

Thanks to the BBC flicker, I've managed to get a update to current affairs everyday. Have been following news about the credit crunch quite closely ever since I started to look into the investment banking avenue, and also from peer influence too. I'm sure anyone could notice the current slowdown of US economy which practically affects the economy everywhere in the world. Here's just some brief explanation for the finance/economy noobs. Enjoy the post guys! :)

So what really is credit crunch?

Credit crunch is basically a sudden reduction in the availability of loans or a sudden increase in the cost of obtaining a loan from the banks.

Essentially what causes the credit crunch is the US sub-prime mortagage crisis where property prices plunges down badly causing a slowdown in the US economy and banks suffer billions of losses.

And what is sub-prime?

"Traditionally, banks have financed their mortgage lending through the deposits they receive from their customers. This has limited the amount of mortgage lending they could do.

In recent years, banks have moved to a new model where they sell on the mortgages to the bond markets. This has made it much easier to fund additional borrowing,

But it has also led to abuses as banks no longer have the incentive to check carefully the mortgages they issue. "

Excerpt taken from BBC news. You can actually get more info from this link and it comes with graphics too! --> http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/business/7073131.stm


THE NEW MODEL OF MORTGAGE LENDING How it went wrong

Basically, in this new model, banks become much more lenient and lessly monitored in lending our mortagage loans to home buyers. This happens because they is now a flow of income from the mortgage bond market (a market where banks issue bonds to households and we pay the banks with a certain amount of money, its loosely like putting a fixed deposit in a bank.. so, banks have more funds and capacity to issue more mortgage loans now).

So what went wrong?

Check it out from the link. Its pretty complicated. In short, the "just anyone" that the banks lend out to can't pay back the loans with the increased interest rates now.

"Mortgage brokers focused their efforts by selling sub-prime mortgages in working class black areas where many people had achieved home ownership.

They told them that they could get cash by refinancing their homes, but often neglected to properly explain that the new sub-prime mortgages would "reset" after 2 years at double the interest rate. "

Who's hurt?

1. Of course, the US economy and property prices - stagflation
(a term used to describe a period of inflation + stagnation or in other words, slow economy, rising unemployment and probably with recession as well)

2. Countries that have their currencies pegged so closely to the USD have also suffered badly of course.
(Luckily Malaysia and Singapore pegged their currency to a bucket of currencies rather than on the USD alone.)

3. The Banks!
Ok as for today, these are the major losses:
(note the difference between investment banks and domestic banks that we usually hear of. Investment banks are those that really deal with very large amount of funds, trading, equities, securities etc where domestic banks as its name says, their activities are pretty much restricted to households savings and loans. e.g.: Maybank, POSB, Bumiputra Commerce, Hong Leung etc)

UBS: $37.4bn
Merrill Lynch: $22bn
Citigroup: $21.1bn
HSBC: $17.2bn
Morgan Stanley: $9.4bn
Deutsche Bank: $7.1bn
Bank of America: $5.3bn
Bear Stearns: $3.2bn
JP Morgan Chase: $3.2bn
BayernLB $3.2bn
Barclays: $2.6bn
IKB: $2.6bn
Royal Bank of Scotland: $2.6bn
Credit Suisse:$2bn
Source: Company reports

In this week itself,
Citigroup further discloses a further write-down of USD 5.11 bln in this quarter, making the second massive loss and is cutting 9,000 jobs.

Merrill Lynch sadly has lost USD1.96 bln more in this quarter. And is now cutting down 4000 jobs worldwide.

------------

I guess this is the financial market. There will always be turmoils and fluctuations in the economy. I still remember the 911 crisis which hit the US financial market pretty badly too. And Merrill was one of the leading banks that stood up first in reviving the US economy. I'm not sure why I have had so much faith in Merrill, maybe because ever since I started applying into Merrill, I started doing quite alot of research on it and all. Then and then again, I'm not sure if I really wanna work in a bank or not yet.

-----------

What plays a fairly big role in backin the US economy in the midst of its credit turmoil right now is the injection of funds from this region of the world - Asia! =) It's like transferring revenues and funds from their business in Asia to America to help revitalize(?) the current situation.

Major Sovereign Wealth Funds have also started to take advantage(?) of the situation by injecting more funds and taking a stake of their share in return:

"The Abu Dhabi Investment Authority ploughed $7.5bn into Citi in November, in exchange for a 4.9 per cent stake."

"China Investment Corp has invested $5bn in Morgan Stanley and Singapore's state-run Temasek Holdings has invested $4.4bn in Merrill Lynch."

-----------

Here's a pretty dated back article on Merrill and Morgan Stanley from The New York Times -->

The Incredible Shrinking Investment Bank

Illustration by The New York Times

I guess the picture tells a lot. And this article is dated more than three years ago. I wonder if things would have been better if they had replaced their CEO, E. Stanley O'Neal much earlier.

karaoke!

2008-04-17T23:34:00.007+08:00

look at the post on running away. I've got some answers to some of the questions. There is no what ifs. Even if there is, nothing would change.

That's how I'm feeling now. Running away from reality (?). But I know I can't. Instead, "I'm leaving you behind me, no I won't look back".

Been having a weird urge to go sing-k these few days! haha!

anyway yeah, so much have happened that I don't quite know what to blog. But I'm strong, I always am. But still, leave some comments if you're reading this. anyone. it feels good to know and read caring comments doesnt it?

miss you guys and i love you xian, huai yi, liz, feeny, kelvin and trashbin too! and all of you who stand by me whatever comes :)

Spraining an ankle

2008-03-12T18:23:00.006+08:00

I got so used to this phrase that I underestimated how serious it could be..

I dun really like to write down mundane daily activities into a blog per say.. but this is one rather different ..

I was on my way for an interview with IBM, then I passed by a mini-mart selling umbrella, and it was raining, so i decided to go take a look. And then I asked for the price.. Then when I was asking about sth else... That uncle says.. "ni bu shi hua ren mar?" meaning arent u a Chinese??.. I was speaking in English!.. I got so pissed!.. I said I AM NOT LOCAL!!!...and i walked off.. why are u blaming me for not knowing how to speak mandarin'?????? I SPEAK CANTONESE! ok thats just the starting..

I went for the interview.. even more unproffessional than the earlier one I been to.. I doubt If I will want to work for them..

And then after the interview, I have to walk in the rain.. well thats fine I am not complaining about this at all.. and I finally made to PGP back gate (the gate behiind my residence).. and the rain was really really bad.. so I asked a stranger if he could shade me in... and yes we walked in... and then.. SNAP!... I SPRAINED my ankle when I was walking down the stairs... I never knew how painful it is..It was really really painful.. I know pain k.. im not just saying because I never experienced pain before.. I have been hospitalized for a week and had had an endoscope stuffed in my mouth all the way in my stomach when I was completely conscious.. so bottom line is, SPRAINING an ankle really HURTS! :(

And I tried calling a few ppl to help me walk back and to bring me an umbrella... i couldnt reach a couple of them.. those that I can reach are not in PGP.. but another person who is in PGP,a pretty close fren.. when I called and asked if she's in PGP... I havent even tell her about my condition and what I need yet, she said oh I have CCA at 6... I was shut off immediately... what on earth is that??? and i left my conference for a couple of hours, all the way just to help her post a warranty card on her behalf? Now I know why ppl keep telling me they cant stand her!...I dun like pre-judgement and all but this time.. enough is enough..

so i walked back, shivering in the rain.. barefooted.. luckily I can still walk back although painfully... if not I will be sitting at the bbq pit waiting for help till dawn :(.. arGhhh.. please dun tell me I fractured anyth.. I dun wanna wear those ugly casing! :(

So im running away... (if i could)

2008-03-08T21:36:00.009+08:00

I think the mid-youngadult life crisis is hitting me again.. I was really hyper once more.. something i really missed.. being annoying.. senseless and just dumb and ignorant of everyone else around me.. i had quite some fun going out on friday night.. maybe its self-induced fun.. haha.. u'll get wat i mean if u were there with me..

i knew my mood will go damn low when the crowd is gone.. and yeah.. there it went.. not wanting to sleep.. and practically when i woke up, my entire day was in such a tone too...

sometimes, i wish i can let go of rules and principles.. and just have fun! oblivious of everyone around.. ignorant, rude watever.. and yea.. i miss the dance floor.. lets get some booze and rock the place again..

this crossed my mind today: to have a "forget-watever-happened-today" day! that would be fun!.. thats exactly wat i need right now!.. do some really really crazy stuff.. like seriously.. just be that someone elsE! or that evil twin sister in you.. haha!

what if? 1. you missed the flight
what if? 2. there really is what ifs.. time travel. haha.. i dun believe in that but.. yea what if?

so just when i was just thinking of running away from all these things im feeling and having on my shoulders, following me in my shadows (pretty abstract things.. i cant quite tell either)... i thought of craig david's song, "im walking away" but apparently at that time i didnt seem to remember the title.. i kept thinking it was "im running away".. so i typed it on youtube and thats what i got..

dont lie and say that its ok.. so im running away.. (if i could)

Reunion Time!!! ;)

2008-02-14T19:01:00.020+08:00

Its the time of the year again! perfect reunion with family and friends!

Happy Chinese New Year!! =)

our crazy times! three nights in a row before i leave - booze and booze and cards and crazy ppl! :)

haha.. i think the guys are turning gay ;P

shaun says: im coming!

fc says: hooi's mine!.. go away!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------

and here's me and mok mok :)

take 1 at al fresco:

take 2 at my place:

take 3 at Joel's place:

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Here's some pictures of gamblers/drunkards-to-be ,
our CNY culture ;)

here's mok going "hardcore"!!

and finally, some nearly-wasted guys..
-------------------------------------------------------------------------

ps: din bring my camera back.. din manage to take any pictures with my family.. no pictures of the fantastic Malaysian food too :(

but oh well.. this pretty much sums up my entire CNY in this exciting year of the Rat!

a brief summary of my one-week journey:

singapore --> kl --> ti--> kl --> seremban --> singapore

Here's a toast to yet another beautiful Chinese New Year!
Cheers!! =)

Night Safari - Singapore

2008-01-27T12:11:00.001+08:00

I am proud to proclaim that I am in LOVE with mr.Otter!!
goshh... they are so cutee!

I went to night safari yesterday but forgot to take my camera along.. so gotta google for otter's pictures... awww.. such cute creatures... they are brilliant!.. pictures really cant tell much... :)

ahh... such cute creatures... anyway, night safari in Singapore? Highly recommended :)
http://www.nightsafari.com.sg/

I really like the animal creatures show as well... how the cute little creatures (otter or sth else.. not quite sure) running around hahaha... picking cans into the recyling bins.. lol..

oh i discovered an interesting creature called hyena as well.. it looks rather weird.. longer front legs and shorter hind legs.. those in the safari reminds me a lil of a pig... and i forgot to take any pictures as well.. so gotta google.. here it is:

definitely not my favourite.. looks pretty scary "in-person"

my Indian adventure

2008-01-17T17:42:00.002+08:00

here's the video..

made this for AIESEC SIPO's exchange participant recruitment drive! ;)

on a personal note: I love INDIA!!.. and i miss all of you!! all the way from the crazy trips up north to being "kick out" from numerous hotels, walking through creepy alleys in the rain... these are the memories that we live with and these are the people that stick with you, changing your perspectives of life forever.

me, myself and i

2008-01-16T14:19:00.000+08:00

as I keep running and trying to figure out what I can do for people around me and AIESEC or anything else that I try to venture into to ensure that I do not miss anything out.. so I guess I should list down a number of things that i want to do for myself here just to help myself keep track of what I did and what can be done ;)... read if you have spare time after all it is all about me! ;p

Things I want for myself:
(note: not in order of priority)

1. Hang out in a Spanish Bar.

2. Pick up Spanish.

3. Hang out in a Jazz Bar.4. Dance the night away.

5. Travel the world!
(a) South America
(b) Hong Kong
(c) Central Europe
(d) the rest of the world!

6. Get at least a glass of fresh juice everyday.

7. Perform once, on stage with a self-composed song and with my guitar of course :)

8. Find drum set, play for at least half an hour, all by myself, no one around ;)

9. Look superhot with professional make-up, designer dress and heels for just one grand night!

10. oh, another easy one... get an mp3 player and get an exercise partner.. i wanna play tennis and squash or pingpong or anyth else so badly :(

11. Meeting up with my best buddies for life!! Liz, HY, Feeny... when is our reunion??? we shall get so drunk and do so much of crazy stuff together again!this was like what? 5 years back? and Feeny is not even in there! Get you arses here soon!

landmark + faith

2008-01-16T00:17:00.000+08:00

just came back from a Landmark Education session just now... the way they and people around me tried to encourage me to be a part of the Landmark Forum thingy reminds me of how it used to be like in a church...

It suddenly just strike me of how and why human beings like to have company in good things that they discover. They will always want to share the love and joy that they've found and be more than happy to testify about it, just like how it was like in landmark just now. Interesting how its always like this, be it Landmark or Christianity or some very effective diet programme etc.. I know I shouldnt link these two with a diet programme but it really is pretty similar in how people likes to share something that they have gone through and they believe in...

Be easy on yourself

2008-01-13T17:56:00.000+08:00

I signed up for Welcome Buddy for whatever reasons I do not know, just like how i signed uo to be an Internation Student Ambassador last year... Both turned out to be real boring stuff...

Ok well, we are not obliged to pick up anyone from the airport. It all come from free-will.
So I decided to pick up this American dude without noticing how late his flight is. I rushed there, made an effort to be early.. walked around a little.. stood at the same spot I was six months ago.. At that pointof time, I told myself I did not want to be at the airport again... but yeah... the more you feel you cant face certain stuff, the more you need to take that path... maybe that's why I signed up for this anyway...

Ok so the dude arrived and I took him back to Raffles Hall. That was a successful reception but another dude on the next day missed his flight!.. Oh no!.. and he even gave us the wrong flight number.. grrr!
What I feel really bad about is that... some other people whom I bumped into at the airport sort of called him up and confirmed that he will reach 4 hours later (meaning around 1am).. hmmph.. so Sara the coordinator gave him his hostel's address so he can take a cab there on his own...
But you know... me being me.. trying to be responsible but is not... feel bad that I did not stay back and waited for him to arrive :(

Another case was yesterday.. I left slightly late... Its 10plus at nite.. and I reached there around 11+ because there was some technical problems with the Skytrain at the airport... and I missed this Chinese girl who's supposed to arrive at 2305... I cant find her... OH NO..sighhh.... I guess she made it to NUS on her own by cab since she's arriving with another Chinese dude.. but still.. another failed attempt??... I emailed her and she hasnt replied yet... I really hope she is fine man.. :(..

And then, I missed the last train... but luckily there are bus services still... the nearest i could find is chinatown... yeah took more than an hour bus ride... and reached chinatown and then took a cab down to PGP. reached at around 2am... sigh... wasted money and time for no reasons at all..

If only I didn't try to be nice and responsible to offer myself to pick her up.. Afterall there are 50 more ppl in the database who can do the job.. But NO... she's from China.. nobody wants to pick her up... everybody looks up to Caucasians and only want to pick them up!! :(

If only i could let go of my conscience and ignore what i see on the database, how they urgently look for someone to receive girl from China then I wouldnt have missed her... Where is she now?? reply my mail :(

tribute to Mickey...

2008-01-09T00:05:00.001+08:00

I miss HOME!!... didn't get to go home this time... nobody's home anyway.. everyone's at bro's place in kl... so was i :(... din even know Mickey passed away..

cause of death: choked on frozen bone :(

urban planning

2007-12-30T02:14:00.001+08:00

just submitted a literature review for HCAP/ Harvard College in Asia Program on urban planning... not at all proud of what i handed in... but oh well...

just thought of why i applied for it... becos of the topic and all but at the end of the day.. din ahve enough time to actually look into the issue and come out with a good piece of work...

anyway, am just thinkin about how some largely-populated country usually suffer from unequal economic growth... for instance india, the rich ones are really rich and the poor ones are so poor to the extent that they can even afford to eat or put anyth on em... i wonder how those kids livin on the streets, feeding on crumbs survive thru winter every year... really dont know how..
look at how adorable these kids are...
now compare..

way fortunate that they will be havin their toy trains soon.. and oh yea they hav a swimmin pool too, not to mention different sets of summer and winter clothings!
what will they be when they grow up... when their parents have planted so much of dreams in them... send them overseas... make them ignorant about the conditions of their own countrymen... speaking of which, i still remember there was once when Maddie and I went over to one of the private schools to talk about volunteerism among youths in India.. when we started to discuss on such issues... when we asked, what are some of the problems u see in your community...

appaled by what we heared. they answered: beggars... too many of them... blocking the streets.. obstructing traffic flow... impeding development (not in exact words)
i wonder what has their education given them? and family values? and love for the country? i guess it definitely is not all about shouting "Hindustan jin da batt" / long live India at the Pakistani border.. seriously, they are really patriotic ppl.. they love thir country way more than Chinese Malaysians like me do but maybe something should be implanted into the education system or sth else.. like more genuine NGO movements.. and yea sad to say.. there are rumours about how some organizations(NGOs) are making money out of charity movements in under-developed countries as well...

oh yeah diverted a lil.. speaking of urban planning, Malaysia is seriosuly so far behind Singapore. We are so short sighted in our plannning and implementation. Look at out GDP rate.. investors are moving to Vietnam instead.. and the traffic jam every day.. What do we do to our transport system? Its all about crisis management, about trying to solve problem that arose and not preventing them right form the begining.. if our neighbour can be so efficient and reputable in this aspect, i would say that its such a shame that we have such a bad transportation system..
and our education system as well..i wonder what is the rationale behind impeding intelectual growth of those are capable of learning faster than the rest?

2007-12-28T00:54:00.000+08:00

no one can let you down except you yourself!

some things never change

2007-12-27T14:43:00.000+08:00

my beautiful buddies who have always been there for me since sem1...

we made xian drink alcohol for the first time!!... :)

the blur-me in sem 1... out for mexican food right after mid-term test... really miss those crazy times in lectures :)

and they took me out on my birthday!!..

tis' the season to be grateful and thankful for what you've got :)

im a baby @er ;p

2007-12-23T12:12:00.000+08:00

was travelling back to kl with a new-found friend thru nlds faci team... its just so nice to chat with her... we could chat one nite long till 9am... ans yea i was so tired that nite/morning that i fell on my bed and slept like a dead person that i dun even realise that she left... haha and again we chatted all the way back to kl.. our conversation made me realise that there are so many things that i should reflect on..

stuff like me saying: "i wish... if..."
i guess im never satisfied with what i did in the past.. always wanting things to be better and always blaming myself for not cherishing and doing good enough..but i really do feel so.. i guess i just have to give myself credit for things that i've done so far.. but.. what have i done?... hmmphh... maybe im just not the self-satisfied person... expecting too much from myself... but i really do think i can do better most of the time... guess its about balance again... haha... credits and expectations..

there's one thing i really like about @.. its not a matter of seniority.. its a matter of how passionate and enthusiastic u are towards your work.. its about the issue not about the person... it never stops you from growing fast, for @'s sake or for your own personal growth..and yea i agree with WX about me being too sharp with my views at times... im bad at convincing ppl to the extent that it may sound like a personal attack instead of a genuine opinion on the issue of improving things... something i should really work on...

and yes im lookin forward to the upcoming term.. and election is gonna be a hell lot of stress and great experience... the common phrase that i get: give it a try.. u will definitely learn a lot from it.. especially after listenin to SY and WX, i realised that it really is no easy stuff... the process do scare me a lot when i think of it... MTP, election etc... the sad thing is that everyth happens in one month...and in that month itself, i have other commitments to take care of as well.. USP etc.. juggle... really is no easy stuff... but i guess its no time for me to run and hide again...if you feel that you have the capacity to do it, prove it... if you feel that you want to make a change, do it! btw, how many ppl know about @ ethics

oh yeah, speakin of nlds.. im really really glad that made an effort to fill up the co-faci form in the midst of my project deadlines and exam preparation... i seriously learnt so much form the experience... i really love pre-meeting and the conference itself.. these are awesome peeps... i enjoyed all the funny games like bitches bitches and tempo (sth i learnt from @ Taiwan).. and erm.. i learnt bout karma sutra as well.. lol.. isnt karma sutra about what goes around comes around?.. well apparently they are spelled differently :p

ah...i miss nlds!... and i miss my dear ICX friends as well!.. such awesome peeps!.. yay!.. faci and icx rocks!.. lol;p oh and the taiwan delegates as well.. ;p and Erica!... how we played bitches bitches using her name... lol!... and Sam.. he had been really patient with me also.. teachin me bout @ 2010.. both of them listened to me so intently, despite me being so new and all...working on MOS together was great fun... they are always serious bout their work and i really like that :)

back to my internship xp... really din get to keep in touch with a lot of ppl.. guess everyone is busy with their lives back home... but im sure we still have each other deep down no matter how busy we all are... hmmphh.. cant wait to either go to mexico or brasil!... two diff paths... either i commit wholely for @ or i carry on with my initial plan of leanin spanish and doing my xchange in Mexico and do CEEDership there... but first choice sounds more promising though, as in i could do really gain and give thru it.. am very excited bout it.. i really like how the MCs seem so professional and passionate about their work... going to the office the next day after NLDS.. doing real stuff!.. @ seriously is platform for so many things... u can really make a difference... and there is nth that stops you unless you choose to.

oh yea, given a chance i would really like to speak to all the interns who went on DT.. who knows what we gained from our xp could really help us come up with some really impactful prjects.. personally, im passionate bout issues on kids and poverty... but yea like WX says, maybe we should build our skills and capacity first... i really dun wnat to hastily start on a project, blindly waste my time and produce nth out of it... we shall c.. in a year or two.. i will reflect back on this post to remind myself about my plans...

really miss those times in India besides the wonderful travelling times with such beautiful peeps whom i'll never ever forget... seriously, 2 months really is very short.. and im not sure if i had done much to impact any of the kid's life...again, i wish i could turn back time and be more focused on my sessions and the kids than to complain about the weather, our house and stuff.. well my NGO's manager did try to convince me on the day before i left that, my presence there as an ambassador of Spore/Msia has already made a differnce.. these kids dun see foreigners that often..but.. hmphh.. oh well..
anyway, see the word imagination on the blackboard?.. that was the session that i conducted for the kids there... BUT these really are no poor peeps... they even have toy trains in their schools... gosh, what is that?..they are wat richer than me man.. what am i doing there??..i wasnt sure either... but the more i think of it... really, to tackle issues like poverty etc... you really cant afford to always get on the ground, work in slums etc... as you cant be there forever... but you can always impact one to impact the rest... as in the more capable ones.. the kids who had the chance to study and be successful in the future are the ones who could really make a difference for their country...

good food

2007-12-20T13:46:00.000+08:00

food oh food..

smoked salmon at Tabula Rasa with such beautiful ambience...
will never forget that ever... :)

sushi!.. not my very favourite but these are really good stuff man!!.. my 21st birthday treat from mah lovely buddies :)

my favourite ribs at cafe cartel... the last time i went there was like half a year back...

oh here's the heavenly desserts!

walnut rocky road at Swensens!... arhh.. saliva drippin.. trust me.. you would love every single bite u take! mmmm

That's what i call real chocolate!!.. crispy baked candy bicuits richly coated in sweetly bitter Belgian chocolate...mmm... still have some left in my room!.. thanks to my new-found course mate!

The Rajasthani food we had at the mini dessert village...

My favourite meal at north-east India!... drum rolls for.......
Beeeef Syata!... spicyly tantalising:)

crabs;)

and finally, my all-time favourite: L A K S A!!

crossroads

2007-12-19T23:21:00.000+08:00

just wondering if i have passed that crossroads or am i passing it now... i don't know but this year has been such a life-changing year for me... everything changed... i changed a lot... from deep within me... happier or more confused... im not so sure either... well, either way i just got to be happy with what i've got and be extremely grateful for all the opportunities that knock at my door..

its just so weird how one coincidence leads to another and how all of them links together, starting to make more sense as you move on... im not sure... but this semester definitely started really "hectic-ly" for me... i din even sleep much... was late for my first class.... stucked in the train for stoning too long... survive thru coffee with badly swollen eyes... survived thru that 2 dead hours in class... rushed back... cos i needed to be alone... Guang says its the withdrawal thing... yeah.. its tough... but good times dun always come.. i believe in trade-offs... when u go thru tremendously wonderful moments... down times will definitely follow by... just a matter of time... so i dun even care anymore... i live at present time... treasure present moments... i used to be a strategist... always planning ahead.. but now... im sort of sick of it... i enjoy every moment.. everyone around me.. i know i can be a happy person... oh yeah, provided that there are human beings around me though... im freaking bored in my room right now!... grrrrr!!! :(